Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

CuRL oF ThE LiPs... [Sat 30 Oct 2004. 4.04pm]
hey ally... i will miss u... but deres nth i can do nw... i guess a tiny part of me always wanted to leave sa... mabbe tats y i didn't feel like checking my papers' marks. mabbe tts y i din go pester the teachers for more marks in the 1st place... mabbe tts y i din bother bout anything that has gotta do with the results.. well... mabbe thats why...

i juz went to read ur blog... im sorrie bout that pig's trotter incident. i guess u are realli veri troubled bout him. im sorrie i wasnt there to give u advice. but believe me. sometimes u are better off without hearing any advice. aniwaes the final decision lies with u. i udnno hw are things going on with both of u nw. but i wish the best for u! =] hey i borrow this lyrics from ur blog. i wanted to go search for it one. but since its in ur blog... i juz took it.. heheh.. thanks!

Saint Andrew's Junior College [Fri 29 Oct 2004. 10.14pm]
oh man.. i cant stop crying. i hate cheong jiaqi.. she made me cry... i was alreadi tryin to control as i went for tt most treasured training session. It even rained and we continued playing. Mabbe it was a grand exit for me. haha.. then there was the SC... where i saw gen and xiaoling. and i sae goodbye. and gen was going, wanwwweeeiiii....... i gave a wave of my hand and walked out of the SC before i get to see her face again. i noe i will juz break dwn. i walked out of the sch.. well one or two drop of tears. then everything was fine... it was juz a weird feeling in the heart. then aft i read her letter 5 mins ago. i realli couldn't control animore. she is so idiotic okay... why has she gotta mention all those fun and sad times we shared together. why has she gotta sae she feel like she's not gonna see me again. i hate her okay... oh god... thats so not true.... im gonna miss u jiaqi.... i never knew parting with them can be so bad... i mean it has onli been a few months... and i nvr knew it's so hard to leave SA... i always tot i hated this place... but im a veri sentimental person aft all.. haha.. yea tats y... time will heal... yah.. im okay... oh man.....................

not my whole class noes yet. ms lee dun even noe.. she's gonna kill me if she noes... and not all the touch ruggers noe too... well.. i dun realli intend to announce... i cant do tt.. i realli cant.. i dun wan to juz break dwn infront of them... i hate parting... i realli hate it. and my CIP trip. well... i tink tt stupid women wun let me go lar... look at her at the assembly juz nw. i realli cant stand her... and she even mentioned a fair system! wat the hell........ seriously if its fair i wun be typing all this nw... i wld be burying my head into books... well... theres no room for regrets. life have to go on.... a change of environment is good... well... lucky for those ppl who have got gd CTs and determination. best of luck to u all!

love the fun i had in 1st 3month too.. with odac and touch... im realli grateful towards mr lam.. he helped me realise alot of things... and well.. thanks for that vice-cap position which i have to leave behind nw. and the secretary position in CIP. i realli hope i can go with u guys... this is the last time realli... i hope tt ugly old hag dun stop me. im realli proud of all these achievements and well... i did the best i cld... yeap. hope u girls will go out there to win that medal we have been eyeing for so long... actually i kinda miss u guys alreadi.. darn!

as for me... yea im okay.... perfectly fine.... juz puffy eyes..... tt always happen aft a downpour. i will love to start over again..... but sometimes i wish there is someone to stand up for me.. coz im nw too weak to do so... and mabbe if someone juz come up to me and tell me not to leave... i might do juz that. i might go pester Ms Ho til she seeks proper explaination... seriously the exlaination she gave me.. i realli dunno wat to sae... well.. on the other hand... i tink its better for me to start afresh. i have been not focus for so long alreadi. its time to start anew. i will miss u guys... and i promise to keep a part of u guys with me! i wish i went for the outing juz nw... but well.. sorrie... things were juz too rush.. yeap.. miss u ppl alreadi! =]

I love JSS! [Fri, 29 Oct 2004. 1.33am]
heyee! i got back frm ECP 2 hrs ago! hmm... i went straight there after the thai lesson. with geraldine. and met kangwei and one of his fren at the bedok interchange. Lucky for geri, if not i wun noe where to go. then we alighted one stop b4. that stupid kangwei keep suan-ing me... hahha.. then finally we reached.

zul, luqie, jon, ruiqiang, yanhan, chong kiat, jiewei, wenda, caiping, pok siao, jess and some other jj and jss ppl were there. shuwen came lata. then veri fun loh! glad to see all of them. me, pok and jess went to cycle. so fun! we sing and sing and sing till got some guys scolded us.. hahah.. then i sat there talk to them. play daidee and bluff with monkey, chong kiat and jiewei. then took a cab hm with hoeren, zul and roddie.

look forward to the next gathering!!!

I HATE YOU!!! YOU! YOU! YOU! [Wed 27 Oct 2004. 12.03am]
ARGHHH!!! I HATE YOU! WHENEVER IM TALKING TO YOU I CAN FEEL GOOSEBUMPS AND MY HAIR STANDING. I HATE HAVING TO WAIT FOR YOUR DARN REPLY LIKE AN IDIOT. I HATE YOU OH I REALLY DO. YOU ARE NTH MORE THAN A PAIN IN THE NECK AND I FEEL LIKE KICKING UR STUPID HEAD. WATS IN THAT HEAD OF YOURS? EMPTY SPACE? YOU STUPID LITTLE............................

i skip sch todae. feel refresh alreadi. haha. read shopaholic ties the knot all day.. i wish i live in fairytale land. juz like becky. whenever i read tt book im so engross in her life. wish i have luke as my bf too. haha.. well.. actually not realli. he's too old. hahah..

went to see the doc for my leg. haiz.. tink no cure le la... he gives me the same medicine again. and by the way that doc sucks. feel like punchin his crooked nose. talks so sarcastically...

sch tml again. oh bother. have to wake up get dress and put on a smile. same robotic routine everyday. darn life. juz nw krys ask me to called mr ho. i was still aslp and dreamily called him. he sae he will call me back and i went back to slp. when i wake up it all seems like a dream. but i got his number still in my hp. hahah.. weird. til nw i still dunno wat its about.

oh i went to coach cl on his chem ytd. yah he is still as lame as ever. updated me on sch life abit. but mostly was me teaching him the wrong stuff.. i made him do an equation that doesnt work out. hahah.. and he spent 15 mins on it b4 i realise its unworkable. hehe.. but it was fun teaching him and i realise i still remember most stuff...

k.. its too late. i've gotta bath and finish that book and im slping! see u soon! oh btw thurs wenda has a BBQ @ ECP. should be going. update u then! tatz! =]

pLs HeLp Me FiNd aLL TaT i've LosT... [Mon 25 Oct 2004, 12.57am]
hello! im not depress. dun worrie. hahha.. that is juz a line i've found frm a web. the girl lost her kitten. and the kitten was a huge slice of her life. thats y.. so sad...

hmm juz nw went out with hester, jia and amanda. there was some prob in the morn about pw. oh but wat the heck. darn pw. we went out to play. shop with tai tai and then went to arcade. hahah.. scary arh! i played hse of dead. oh my goodness.. i created a scene lar. scream like mad. i couldn't control! it was veri scary. then amanda was dead. left me. quite scary la. tts why i dun like to plae alone. hahah.

then hes and me and manda played the hoops. wah.. hes threw the opening shot. and she.............. threw the ball over the machine.. hahahha.. i was laughing like mad la... hahah.. that women arh. forever so silly. and jia that weird woman. dun like chocolates, dun play arcade, dun like chips. dun like ice cream. and worse of all. hates kangkong! tell me. hw can anione hate such a lovely delicious veggie!

and i went to giftland and amanda showed me a bear bear. oh man. it was love at 1st sight! i couldn't resist it. though it look plain and simple (price tag says $24++), i love it like mad. keep holding it refusing to let go. there's juz smth bout it that attracts me. i wanted to much to have it. but my allowance says no way. darn. finally i had to let go and put it back onto the shelf. it gave me a sad look... haiz but i juz had to.

then we went to eat. and then shop sommore for bert's present. saw yvonne in jennyfer! haah.. that woman. i went to squeeze her face! hahah.. yea then came hm.. wan to die le. tired. there's sch later. haiz. heck.

I GoT HuRT. aLoT. aNd NoW i WaNT To HuRT BaCk [Mon Oct 25, 2004. 12.21am]
mmm.... scary thought isn't it... nah.. im not thinking bout it. dun worrie. i wasnt hurt.

it feels so nice to forgive and forget. no pressure. no stress. juz me and my own thoughts. i feel like doing so mani things on my own. going to east coast sitting on the breakwater. the wind blowing in my hair... staring out onto the horizon. putting all worries aside. and sorting out my life. figuring out wat im all about. thinking bout wat i really want. all the ppl i've met. all the fun and bad times. all the times i have hurt someone with my words and actions. lying under the stars.. let all my worries be taken away. and wishing all the pain ive brought to any of u heal.. i realli didnt mean to hurt anione whom i did hurt. Even if it was juz that guy whose toes i had step on.

life is realli about so much more. it isnt as simple as i thought it would be. it isnt as easy as going tru education and marriage animore. when i saw the cuts on her hand, i had a shock. she said it was nth. but i cld see they werent simple scars gotten frm trainings. wat shld i do. juz leave her alone? let the self abuse go on? i couldn't could i? i have to do smth. but waT?

why is life so stressful and un-simple for some? why couldnt life juz be an indulgence? why are we given birth to with a burden on our backs. nth is as naive and as holy as when we were young animore. dun u juz wish that u cld stay a baby. with ur family and everyone elses love and affection? i felt pain frm all the mishaps. it is all so unfair. they din do anything to deserve this kind of treatment.

why did i do tt. hurting u the way i did. and juz for some stupid idiotic THING. and listen. it's a THING. u were worth much more. trust me. and u definitely dun deserve a selfish person. so i will not be doing anything to amend things. u deserve much more kind soul. u deserve alot more..................

ChuRcH BeLLs! [Sun 24 Oct 2004. 2.26pm]
heyy!!! serena got married to gene on fri! which was 2 days ago! so exciting rite. the guys rugby coach marrying the girls' rugby coacH! so sweet... they appear on the newpaper todae! in the sports section... so sweet...... i tink i wan to get married at 24 le.. bring forward 2 years.. hahha.. =p we took the same bus with the ruggers then saw alot of st andrew kids and sec sch ppl... then show a video of their baby photo... and they takin the wedding photo is sentosa...

oh u noe wat! we talked! finally!!!! hahhaha... hehehhe... and ytd was open hse... he smiled at me oso... kareen came! and wenting and siew ching... wah i missed them.. ahah... then we talked and talked.. and saw huiling sinmun and cuimin they all.. talk oso... hmm then i went to tuition.

hmm actually nth much to add le lar... forgot wat happen nowadays! hahha.. have to go le. meet hester! tatz!

PiG's TROtTeR!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! guess wat's my title is bout? YESH! it's mE! it's mE! IT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ankle is swollen again! and i dun even noe why.. mabbe is because of wed's training and thurs' PE... thurs was the last PE of the year ma... then we plaed bball till quite hiong... then plaed volleyball... im the siao zha bor... keep laughing non stop that day. heez...

got back my GP and chinese. secure two O pass.. nw dreading maths... its my onli hope... hope i get the A pass... jess got back all her paper. she said she shld be able to promote.. gd for her.. i hope we can still go to sch together next year.. haha..

went to funan's sakae with jing, wenjie and eng on mon. aft training i went there sticky and all.. holding the huge present ally gave me... hahah.. she arh.. gimme a vrei huge card cum present.. made me carry ard. it was a precious moment jigsaw. precious moment rite? hehhe.. veri sweet. tks ally. i hung it up in my bedroom. well actually my bro's room. but since he's not in spore, it's mine. hehe.. then lina and ziwan gave me a veri veri cute cow.. realli veri cute. juz like the cowy bank wenjie and jing gave me in sec1. hahha.. then hes, sam, bel, jan and liz gave me a cat and piggie gummies. jia handmade chocolates for me! veri sweet.... i mean the choco! hehhe. =p

oh yah sakae.. jing brought her other half along.. hahha.. veri sweet the 2 of them. then we eat halfway jing pulled me out... then wenjie and eng doing smth inside the shop. then make me walk one round go toilet... then wenjie took over... pull me go toilet again.... then aft tt eng pull me walk one round again.. hahha.. they were actually making a card for me... veri cute. got a garfield. hahha.. and dinner was on them.. zhen bu hao yi shi... they even gave me lotsa dark chocolates! hahah.. i noe i said i like dark chocolates.. but 1 bar and 2 blocks are too much! hahah.. tks alot guys! i enjoyed myself... =]

juz nw there was a sudden fire drill while me jia and wanteng were in the cafe slacking during econs... then we gathered in the gallery.. it was burning hot... then talk bout terrorist la.. blah blah blah.

oh yah! teachers' concert was on tue! i helped sell kachang puteh b4 tt. then the 1st performance was fabulous! it was so funnie... the curtains drawn and showed mr koh in his typical ah beng clothes.. hahahh.. but this time he had got sideburns retro style. and when he started to sing that thing u do. i couldn't help it but burst out laughing! hahha.. he was veri daring man... mr marus chan played the electric guitar! and ms alice tan too.. they were veri cool... hahah.. then there were mr lee.. sang out of tune and sang til forgot lyrics.. hahha.. then mrs kang and ji wen lao shi... oh man.. that was realli funnie... i cant believe mrs kang okay.. she was like swinging her skirt and ji wen lao shi even threw his shades to the audience. hahha.. then there was this teacher singing danny boy? or daddy's boy? hahahah.. aniwaes it was realli veri funnie... there was tt toot teacher sitting behind me.. and when she started singing.. that teacher was like trying to control his laughter and looking down on the floor... he offered peanuts to the teacher beside him with his head down.. hahaha.. veri cute la.. saw the hard work they put in. applause*

tml is the canon compe. hopefully i win smth. it'll be a good experience. hehhe.. then sun is pw and tuition in town with wenz and yanz. yea! looking forward! =]

BeAcH VoLLeY! [9th Oct 2004. 11.17pm]
1st of all..................................
Happy Birthday to me....
Happy Birthday to me....
Happy Birthday to meeeeeee yeeeeee....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

hehehe!!! my birthday is gonna be over soon... and my face is more red than ever.. went Sentosa with those cip brats juz nw. hahha.. realli fun. i went late (again) and found them at siloso. stella was wearing bikini! hahha... she noes almost everyone on the island i tink. hahha.. a frequent visitor of siloso beach. then we played beach volley. so cool.. i tink im hook on tt game. wanna go plae again sometime soon. we keep coming up with scandals during the game. thomas and stella... joel 3rd party... joel veri funnie! everytime he hits the ball over the net we'll cheer like mad. hahha... then that shih jie keep sliding here and there... trying to kick the ball.. he will run frm one side of the court to the other to slide.. hahha..

then we played water monkey and captain's ball. went kayaking too. then aft tt me, ziwan, lina and jielin went palawan to bath. then eat.. talk... i went up to hols chalet to see see... haiz.. miss 2/4! keke.. then aft tt go eat pasta and went hm. actually wanted to meet sista for smth, but he went for euphoria. yeapp.. i go plae games le! tatz!

MaMaMia! [Fri 8 Oct, 11.40pm]
hey! ytd wanted to update u. but internet spoil. hmm nowadays this com keep giving me problems! tsk. aniwaes i went to sentosa with 62 ytd! damn fun! hahha.. i was the later batch with jiaqi, manda hes and ying ying they all. we met at harbour mall and went to sentosa together. found them at palawan and one row of girls sat at the beach there, and they ignore us. they wan to fake angry cuz we are late. hahha.. they arh...

then we played frisbee.. 64 were oso there. tedric, desmond joined us for the frisbee game. then tired liao me, jia and bel went to swim til the yellow float there. we sat on the swiss cheese singing songs, gossiping and exchanged some personal stuff.. then we went back to there and we played beach volley. tedric and desmond and one more 64 guy join in the guys team. then we kena trash but we cheated.. hahha.. keep bullying them. then got one time i hit the ball... ball fly veri high....... then come dwn straight back at my face... hahha... made me looked so silly.

oh yea, b4 tt they bought a cake to celebrate our bdays for us. the october babies! hahah.. aft everything we went to marina bay to eat steamboat and i played arcade with bel til my voice gone. cuz i was screaming like mad... hahha..

juz nw went to wild wild wet with jess and xiaoling. wow.. is a waste of money.. hahha.. no lar. it's quite okay cuz 1st time we go. but i wun go a second time. the professor's playground was veri fun!!! we kept spraying each other with water. we laughed til nearly drown in the wave pool and jess piggy back me in the shiok river! hahah.. made me drank mouthfuls of chlorine... then the exciting one came.. the slide up! was veri agressive! i played twice with jess... both time she sat at the one facing the going dwn part... and both time i hit my tail bone and bite my tongue.. so painful! nw i cannot even sit properly without hurting. sobz... but was veri shiok! hahhah..

then i went orchard eat with sis and joyce. when i step out of the mrt station this malay guy approached me to ask me buy some ticket. he was veri funnie la. hahha.. his 1st sentence was wow! so cute! hahha i bet he was talking bout my rudolf nose la... tt sunburn nose... then i laughed and said sorrie im rushing for dinner and he ask me to go eat dinner with him... then i ask him go find some other ppl la... hahah.. but he was juz being friendly... then we went cafe cartel.. im so sad and shock! tt david yeo is out of SI... i was nearly in tears in cafe cartel.. everyone was watching and most were is shocked too. some ppl cursed jerry and i agree... bel sae he is either frm city harvest or new creation. i heard one girl sayin he is frm city harvest. no wonder.... it's so not fair! singapore is not voting fairly. look at jessea! such a gd singer! haiz.. i tink they are choosing like the singapore laughing stock.. haiz... so sad... i wan to cry..............

wHiTe cHiCkEnS [Wed 6 Oct. 11.42pm]
heyy!!! PROMOS END LE!!!!!!! WoOOoOoOOoOo!!! yeapppz! budden aft the maths paper everyone veri depressed.. but we went to PS.. actually wanna go K-Box, but veri waste money cuz 4 plus le, so went to watch movie instead. no regrets though.. cuz we watched white chicks! so funnie!!! guys u shld go and watch.. it feels so gd to laugh and laugh til i run outta breath. i was laughing til no sound came out of my mouth.. hahha.. a gd relaxing show. b4 the show we went to yoshi to eat. they sae 5.30 student discount no more le, when they said that it was ard 5.25pm.. so we ran all the way frm the top floor to basement. if u were at ps juz nw and saw a bunch of aunties running. it was us.. heez...

hmm.. aft the movies sam discover her hp was missing. she and jia ran back in to search. but cannot find. we called her phone but it was switched off.. haiz.. she was quite sad... hw can ppl be so dishonest... haiz..

yea tml going to sentosa!!! yay yay yay!!! im gonna slp soon! so tml can be awake and play the whole day! tatz!

oHhh BoThEr! [Sun 3rd Oct, 2004. 1.25am]
yEo! i had been studying maths for the past 2 days. dunno if im gonna study chemi. i've got more confidence in maths though... aiya lotsa complications la! wateva!

i love David YeO! he's soooOoOoOoooOo cute! he dun look like an ah-chek wat. tt stupid lian. he's not veri gd looking but in my eyes he is.... hahha.. i dunno why but i juz like him the 1st time i saw him (yesh in tt pink shirt)... so cute! cant stand it.. hahha.. i hope he becomes the Singapore Idol. But i like Maia too.. either of them be oso can la... Maia has more of the factor. David is like the boy-next-door. simplicity... nice... gd luck to them both!

talked to sista and kelvin juz nw. they veri irritating. haha.. at first i tot my sis sms me then actually is tt pig-in-the-mud type one. my sis dun ever scold me pig one lor. and he called me a pig and ask me dun fake when i said i wanna go study. aniwaes we got real excited over the chalets coz they oso organizing one. actually was tinking if nvr clash then i go, then suddenly we talked til combining. we juz bookin on the same dates lah, but diff chalets. hope can get the side by side one. but dunno got notz. we checking it out on thurs. lim veri funnie, whenever he came on the phone he will ask JC hw mani classes.. so irritating. he was trying to dig out some info lar, but i couldn't help much. heez...

yay wed coming sooN! im real worried bout the results actually. haiz dun wish to tink bout it. juz let nature takes its course. i juz hope i get promoted. im getting back to my studies! wasted one hr talking to them juz nw and nw came on to check the price for the chalets.. cant resist the temptation of seeing u. hahha.. see u soOn! tatz!

BiOLoGy RoCk mY woRLd! [Friday, Oct 1, 2004. 1.07pm]
OOooOo hey! i finished my biology exams. i can onli cross my fingers and pray. yeap! yey... it's over... i can throw away all my gametes... er... i mean bio terms. Told ally bout the competition i wanna participate in juz nw. she sounds supportive.. right ally? hehe.. although at one moment ur attention dwindle, cuz of funnie sheng. kekke.. RIGHT ALLY? well i hope u cld come with me. i guess u noe spore direction better, im an road idiot.

oh aniwaes if u are wondering wat compe, its a photo marathon. and im real excited bout it! heez... my jie told me bout it and she ask me go try since im so interested in photography. and summore is digital photography. and its like an open compe, not a professional one. guess an experience is gd. the onli minus point bout it is the vest! i have to wear their vest and walk ard town, tt is if im going there. but i look gd in anything, so nah.. no worries. heez! k stop vomitting, i can see ur last night's dinner. yeww..

my throat hurts... arghhh... muz be the poison my ma gave me ytd. force it down me. some goooooyish black stuff. and my head hurts. wat am i doing here. i shld be slping or studying. tsk. when i raise my eyebrow the part between my brows, below my forehead, above the bridge of my nose and inbetween the eyes hurts. im sooOooOoo tired. yawn........ later got survivor! yay! better go study nw! update u soOn! tatz!