*wAt HaPpEneD?* 4.13pm

waHh sleepy.. juz came back 2 days 1 nite game triaL... Zzz.. wanna slp sOon...

the game trial was quite alright... GLs super higH!! hahaha.. we needed some time to warm up.. but after tt alrite le... can realli see us improving alot alot... have to applause for theM.. love them loTs.. although there are still problems of ppl not leading.. but tt can be improve... i trust them.. i realli see they are willingness to play n have fun..

though the GMs super black face n attitude.. we still went tru it together! super proud of theM! :]

slpt awhile at the bball court ytd nite.. the stars veri veri pretty! then woke up eat prata n plae cap ball.. we won the GMs but lost to seniors... seniors veri zai! but i tink we not tt bad toO! mon got another match with 05/06 FO GLs... wahahhaa.. looking 4ward!

OCs debriefing on the 1st day was abit tense as usual.. GMs were saying tt we GLs drag the time so delay... we not zai enuff.. do greeting oso cannot do properly... seriously i dun tink tt is the reasoN... but i alreadi said i wan peace.. so i diaM diaM... i talked nicely. but todae morning smth made me super hoT la... during cap ball match with the seniors, one of the GM in the senior team scolded a super vulgar vulgarity... i hate ppl scolding vulgarity in a sports game... super no sportsmanship... i kept my cool tru' out the rest of the gaMe... but realli super hot inside..

then aft tt my GLs tried to calm me dwn.. i've nvr felt so hot b4 lo... i noe i shldnt flare up in front of them.. budden scolding vulgarity in a sports match is more than i can bear... realli is super disrespectful to urself, to ur opponent n to the gamE...

im quite disappointed in how weak some relationship seems to be tru this FO camp prep. :(

*A DiFFeReNt RoUtE* 3.34pm

yoz.. im nw feeling quite nostalgic.. i juz searched tru some old stuffs and found phamplets n stuff frm my days in SAJC. suddenly realise i miss those days alot.. even though i keep sayin JC sucks.. i miss those 1st 3 months when im so active in ODAC n touch rugby.. and i juz saw ziwan in HB a few days ago...

omG... its so fascinating how ur life can be so different with juz one small tiny decision u made... i visited the ODAC webbie.. saw the freshies.. lingxiang's tt batch's pic not up there animore... i kept tinking.. my life in JC wld be super different if i had chosen ODAC then... i guess i wld have stayed on in JC if i had...

i still rmb tt day when i had to made the decision of ODAC n touch rugby... it was a wed.. i was so super stress n confused.. i asked all seniors possible... finally i chosen ODAC... i went for the ODAC rock climbing course n skip touch training.. then gen frm touch rug came n told me the coach is upset n ask her persuade me back... so i went back.. ha.. im super fickle minded rite.. if onli i had stayed on in ODAC.. aft tt i felt ive let mr lam n mr chong dwn.. i nearly cried when mr lam asked me "so wanwei, u are quitting ODAC?" my heart wans ODAC but i've wanted to be a sportswoman ever since sec sch... thus i went to touch ruG... i became the vice cap but i wasnt happy in the team..

even alex (my ODAC senior) told me im more of a outdoor person, not a sports person.. shld have listen to hiM... not tt i dun like touch rugby.. it was a realli great experience.. the matches n all.. but guess im realli more suited to the outdoors.. i love the outdoors.. i belong there... i even consider joining rovers in SP... but i tink it will be very different... veri veri different frm SA's ODAC... i miss ling xiang they all alot ToO...

if time cld turn back.. alot of things wld be so different.. so so different...

but on the other hand... if i hadnt left JC.. i wun have come to know settlers.. i wun be in biotech. i wldnt have known L2G5.. i wldnt have join CLS.. i wldnt have known wat is LC... or SHIM... i wldnt have known hw to plae squash... so realli.. dun u tink life is fascinating?

*PHEW* 10.42am

i am so super relieve la... juz nw i din check my stupid results til aft i came back... its better than i expected.. so super relieve...

went out with L2G5 juz nw... we went to cafe cartel @ cine then wanted to watch nanny mcphee... but then in the end onli left 2 front rows seats.. so we went to TCC instead.. drink coffee sit n chat.. me, wayne, alvin. yutai n vincent.. we talked bout lotsa stuff... luff alot oso...

then aft tt weixin came.. wanted to eat dinner together.. but in the end din.. i went to walk walk @ esplanade.. finally get to spend some time with myself.. then i went to buy new clothes.. frm U2.. yay! hahhaa.. finally... then make my way homE...

tml got enrolment... morning is trainiNg.. playin cap ball ToO! hehehe..

*********

i felt so awkward talkin to u.. haiz.. i wanted to talk to u bout how i feel.. but somehow i cant bring myself to.. i feel super sad now... alot of things shldnt be this way lo... im determine not to let anything affect frenship.. if choose between FO n frenship.. i change my mind.. i wan to bring up FO camp.. no matter wat... i suddenly rmb this is wat i wan ever since i join CLS club.. so no way im giving up nw.. no matter how shitty the ppl.. we will press on... so i juz pray that nth will affect this frenship.. if this frenship have to break, then i guess it juz wasnt strong enuff in the 1st place.....

*dReAmS* 10.25am

yOz! juz nw i was dreamin bout some nice nice thing when weik called me on the hp.. Zzz.. super nice lo my dreams.. i receive lotsa presents lo.. GRrrr... then we talk for ard 20 mins.. i dunno why... but frm his tone of talking bout things.. i find it hard to bring up some things i actually wan to talk to him about.. cuz wat i wan to talk to him bout is as a fren.. but i noe it will interfere with his work... haiz.. veri chaM... im not going to let FO affect any true friendships... i c lotsa ugly side of ppl alreadi... tts more than enuff..

i todae wake up muscle ache.. cuz ytd plae squash with yong zhen.. super FuN! but nw i aching... hahhaa.. long time nvr exercise... Zzz... mabbe oso cuz ytd i cycle to sch.. cuz joan need my bike for game trial... i tinking of joining back squash aft FO... tink club things oso not much liaO... hopefulli can.. i dunno wan to check my results nw or at nite... i dun wish to check nw.. but i noe i lata will keep tinking... Zzzz..... lata they sure ask results de lo.. juz nw i sign in msN 2 ppl i seldom talk to come n ask my results liAO... veri weird...

i have got sooOoo much things to sae!!!!!! i cant wait for the day when everyone explodes!

*HoW wiLL iT GoEs?* 2.33am

heyys.. alot of things happen todae lo... ytd n todae to be exact.. about FO camp.. the OC meeting ytd was quite terrible.. i respect Arens as a camp chief.. but i feel that nt everyone is respecting him... and im quite pissed by that.

then juz nw me and weixin talked for 2 hrs i tink.. and i kept cursing some ppl. she joined in the Fun.. nw i feel so relax.. tks xin 4 talkin to me even though u got ITP early next morn. :] i let out everything liaO.. feel so gD.. hehe...

juz nw day tour game trial.. then aft tt me wayne n yutai went to eat at subway, find doreen oso.. she working there.. then yutai left 1st.. me n wayne talked til doreen off work... Fri is game trial le.. look 4ward to it! :p

*LeT mE oFF* 2.56am

i've alreadi stop removing those rings... cuz i have given up on the hope of giving up. i cant do it... i noe everything fades with time.. and this too will... i noe.. but for now.. juz let me immerse in it.. b4 everyting fades off to juz become a memory...

*******
todae was a super fUn day! me, seow, xin, n nasir (the pUpas!) went back to the semba with the wang hot spring n seletar reservoir! we met at 3pm.. it was raining.. but we still brave the rain n went to the hotspring. by the time we reach there.. it stop raining... we then sit dwn, soak our feet and talk bout lotsa things.. after knowing some stuff.. i feel realli glad to have xin they all as my seniors... 1987s rawks! :]

ard 6 we headed to seletar.. cloudy so din manage to see sunset.. but i saw a veri misty river... wahahha.. like amazon river liddat.. then we sit there chat.. tell ghost stories... eat apples... marshmallows.. then we went to eat at kopitiam at AMK.

todae whole day i laugh non stop lo... luff til my abs paiN.. wahahhaa.. realli so enjoyed myself.. on the train we keep taking pictures... then after nasir alighted i squeeze the 2 seater with seow n xiN... although opposite got empty seats.. then a guy came in.. saw us squeezing til liddat.. he look at the empty seat he oso dun dare to sit.. wahahhaa...

tml GL cheer practice... FO is soOn le! jiayOu!


Pupa at the hotspring!


HoT! HoT!


LoOks like Amazon River hoh?


between 2 freaks! wahahhaa

*iM HaPpY n i NoE iT..* 4.02am

yOz! wahahha.. wanna ask me why im happy? cuz juz nw there's GL's training.. and we completed our GL cheer! wahahha.. and todae we are great maN! we played cap ball against nasir, jieying, weixin n daniel.. was veri veri shiok! i love it.. i love the pace n strategy playing of cap ball.. cap ball rawks! :]

then FO is coming v v sOoN lo.. weiquan coming to sP too! he going into aeronautical.. he veri idiotic. i ask him which course he going into.. he told me "inter".. then i sae "huh? wats intercourse?" wah super loud la.. then i realise.. hahhaa.. he's such an idioT!

last week work was FuN.. juz nw was super tiring... but seeing some customer smile makes me feel reli great. juz nw i nearli went mad though.. run up n down and so mani customer ask me do things.. i nearli exploded... hahahaa.. T10... i feel so awkward teaching them lo.. so i pull darren help me.. T3 got 4 pretty girls lo.. reli super pretty.. hahaha..

then talked alot to alvin juz nw.. about alot of things.. found out more about him lo.. aniwaes yuting let me see her yearbook. i saw alvin n chinwee's sec sch photo! so cute! wahahhaha.. luff til i wan to diE.. wahahhaha..

tml going hotspring n picnic! wahhahaa tata!

*i WiSh* 1.44am

i wish i have more time for myself.. im so tired.. tired as in sleepy... i wan to slp.. but there are things that are bothering me n i dunno how to go about to address them..

GLs meetings n trainings are alreadi a handful... plus there are some stuffs going on.. i realli feel veri blessed to have my parents.. they are veri understanding thus they spare me the trouble of having to worrie bout family... my home is a haven for me now... a retreat.. bt not everyone is as lucky as me.. i realli appreciate the support that my mom n dad has been giving me for the past month.. i felt alot of different feelings.. i feel tt i've the responsibility to work n earn money so tt it wun be so hard on my parents.. they get me wateva i wanted..my old digi cam spoiled.. n they upgrade the maxonline plan to a more expensive one juz so tt i can get the free olympus cam.. they paid $79 to buy a memory card for me.. they dun blame me or show me a black face when i go home late every single day... i realli appreciate all they have done for me.. realli....

but nw i wish i have more time for them n myself... every single moment that i have free... i filled it up with work n frens... i dun wish any r/s to go pale becuz of my passion for FO.. i love wat im doing.. definitely.. but i can tell u i wun give up everything to put tt as top priority.. yesh i give most of my time to GLs' trainings.. but i wun sacrifice any r/s for tt..

i noe alot of u are veri concern... but im realli tired of havin to repeat the same thing again n again... alot of times i need support frm u.. but i dun find it... im sleepy.....

*CoMmUniCaTioN pRoB* 4.28am

we have a serious communication breakdown... i dun noe wat he is talking about n he dunno wat im talking too.. everytime we talked.. there's sure to be a 'huh?'.. y cant we talk properly? why cant we talk normally like i can with anyone else... is it realli so difficult for u to come up with a conversation?

i knew i cant do it.. and once again i was right.. my resolution juz dissolve everytime i c u. it sucks okay. it realli does.. just how many times must we go tru' this? cant this juz come to an end? im tired of even having to think bout it.

ytd i went for GL debriefing and then recee at labrador... then went for work.. it was alright.. quite fun... got alvin, mark, cw they all to entertain me. went hm with evonne.. she told me somethings i've nvr heard b4..

todae went to plae cap's ball then went to work.. worked upstairs.. darren n leon veri entertaining.. haha.. then they taught me some new games.. veri fun.. we played fluxx and oso halli galli.. veri exciting.. hahaha.. aft work i was downstairs keeping stuffs.. then i went out the door wanted to go up turned the corner saw leon.. then he BoO me i screamed v lond la! realli is xia dao.. he sae he oso xia daO.. hahaha.. veri funnie.. kaEjeR oso come out n c wat happened.

then weiquan n cw played pingpong there.. they sot de! hahaha..

i can realli see the GLs progressing alreadi.. so happie... hope this continue to go on n on....

we had our class chalet.. was quite okay... played mahjong and fatal frame 3.. a pS2 game.. super scary lo! muz take pics of ghost.. whenever the ghosts r nearby, a red indicator will light up and controller vibrate .. realli scream my head off... hahah...

*ThiNgs aRe DiFFeReNt nOw* 5am

juz nw i went back to work after so long! one month.. b4 that was GL training... we train cheers n so oN... then i rushed to work late... Zzzz... so dui bu qi darren.. ask him help me take over my shift at 3pm.

things i can feeel are changing lo.. although all of them are veri nice to me... but i juz cant find someone i can reealli talk to.. they are nice as in they care bout me and always tease me la.. but its juz different frm last time.. me n chin siang.. me and fizah.. even me and weide... i feel are closer than me and anyone of them now.. darren is still okay.. but i feel tt everything is starting to change.. the way we service the customer... the way we do things.. all starting to change...

and sometimes i feel quite inferior there actually.. cuz im at lotsa time the onli girl.. so alot of thing seems like i cannot do.. sometimes i hope they dun help me so much lo.. last time b4 they all came in.. the time when me and fizah handle the whole cafe alone.. we oso liddat.. i still rmb we went tru alot of sat's nite liddat lo.. i even handle the cafe alone b4... and i take it tru...

now i always worrie whether im doing the correct thing or not... hais.. its juz different la.. i mentioned b4 tt i stayed in settlers is becuz of the frens rite.. nw i tink im staying for the money... and maybe the passion to interact with new ppl ba..

there's nth much to stay for anymore... we arent even as bonded as we used to be... its quite sad la... i miss the old staff alot.. fizah, wansi, chin siang, javen, dan, weide.....